I am living in a plot with this neighbour who is not just a neighbour, but those neighbours who wake up very early in the morning, fold lesos around their wasted waist , then sit on a yellow mtungi to just watch their fellow neighbours. These are the neighbours who will tell you who had a visitor at night, who moved in or out during the night. Their work us to just sit and idle. If you have nothing to do , they are always ready to eat stories with you.
They are the neighbours who will share with you of how they had a big past, bigger than the SGR project. They tell you how they used to swim in milk and bath with honey. They always mention an mp or a big person in the government of whom they would eat and dine together, that’s not my business anyway, I am living with such a neighbour.
So today like all days wasn’t exceptional, the plot vuvuzela was sitted on her yellow mtungi, I don’t want to imagine how that mtungi has a hard life, she was sitted on her mtungi slurping some liquid, probably some uji from the sound emanating from her mouth, I passed her and grinned to her with a fake smile and some “sasa” which I really had to dig deep from the annals of my voice box. Went past her into the plots bathroom.
I minded my business and after a shower of a hustler, Ile ya 3 minutes but making sure I splash water everywhere, I am done. I wash my undies and its at this point when I notice that I have wetted* everything plus I carried everything minus the towel. OMG.
Between my small room, which looks like a hall to me (because it’s empty) and the bathroom is like 5 meters. I peep outside and the plot vuvuzela is sitted properly to watch me slapping my wet red slippers past her and maybe watch how good i am at tying the towel around my waist. Actually around my waist above the navel. Navels are for girlfriends not vuvuzelas.
These 5 meters to me looked like going to planet Pluto and back with the fact that mimi sikua na towel. So how do I pass here? Then Satan does something stupid, of course he is always stupid, he directs another neighbour to the bathroom I am in. Into this bathroom that I have taken myself hostage.
I cannot walk out and beat my bell like a mad man, I have to think fast. I also cannot send vuvuzela into my house to get me the towel.
This neighbour comes and knocks on my bathroom door. I splash splash some water and pretend I am bathing. Right now my vest, my short and my undies are all wet. Dripping wet.
Another neighbour walks out of her bathroom and this saves the trouble. Half the trouble coz I can’t just walk out now. But before she is out of sight, I pstss pstss her. It’s the local dispensary nurse, with her WHITE towel around her. The towel has some GoK label. Now this makes me giggle.
Okay. …… Let me laugh coz of the GoK then request her to fetch a towel for me from my 10 by 10 room. …. and the way this nurse walks past my doors like she shops at Mr Price. Kumbe ata yeye ni Government Sponsored. 😂😂😂 …. I need the towel!!!
Robert Biu the villager.